Burn-out
What it is and how to recover from it
Have you been feeling tired lately?
Do you notice that you no longer find joy in the things that once made you feel good, and that you have not felt grateful and happy in a while?
I can imagine that mornings can feel heavy and grey. You wake up wishing it were already evening so that you could go back to bed. You hit “snooze” on your alarm again and again because you do not want to begin your day. Even getting up feels like climbing a mountain.
You go to your doctor and receive two weeks of sick leave.
“After those two weeks, I should be better,” you think. It feels like pressure, but also a relief. Because your projects are waiting for you, and your colleagues are counting on you.
After a week, you realize that things are not improving at all. You feel panic slowly rising. You start looking for solutions, contacting psychologists.
I am glad that you are here today.
You are reading this letter because you are someone who likes to be efficient and productive. Because you love your work and want to recover as quickly as possible so you can return to performing, supporting, leading, and taking care of others.
I truly wish all those things for you.
But let us adjust the expectations here.
Your recovery will take time, at least a couple of months.
Take a deep breath.
And exhale.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Let this sink in.
Recovering from burnout takes longer than two weeks. It will take several months before you feel like yourself again.
But here’s the most important news:
You will recover.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
But your energy will return.
I understand — you feel tired, empty, and overwhelmed, even after rest or vacation. You have no energy or motivation. You find it hard to concentrate; you forget things, sometimes even words. You feel indecisive, tearful, oversensitive, and easily overstimulated. You might have headaches, back pain, or neck tension. It’s hard to believe this state will ever change.
But it will get better.
In the meantime, you’ll work with a psychologist or psychotherapist and begin to learn more about yourself and your work situation. You’ll process old wounds and learn how to set and protect your boundaries.
You will learn that we slip into burnout when we give too much of ourselves to large, long-term projects without experiencing closure, recognition, appreciation, pleasure, or satisfaction. When we forget to take breaks, celebrate successes, or receive (and give) compliments.
The first psychologist, who experienced burnout himself together with his colleagues, was an enthusiastic volunteer who worked 16-hour days providing free healthcare and counseling to vulnerable youth. They were, like you, driven by purpose and a beautiful vision for the world.
But after months of long hours and late-night meetings, something changed. Warm, dedicated volunteers became distant and cynical. They could no longer care for others. This burned-out psychologist was Herbert Freudenberger, who described his experience in his famous book Burn-Out: How to Beat the High Cost of Success.
Maybe you recognize yourself in this picture. A big challenge, an ideal, a responsibility speaks to you. You feel valuable, important, and competent. You want to show what you can do. You roll up your sleeves and give it your all. You support colleagues, push yourself, you feel that you finally live the way you wanted to live all your life, and you are convinced that you can handle any obstacle. Just a little longer, you tell yourself. Then the results will come.
But our body can only sustain about six weeks of intense effort before it starts hitting the brakes. After those six weeks, the first signs appear: you feel restless, you have trouble falling asleep and wake up in the middle of the night. You think about your projects during your free time. Work starts to seem more important than seeing friends or family, doing chores, or reading a book in peace.
While staying out of work for some time, you will learn that we reach burnout when our work environment is toxic for us. Researcher Christina Maslach studied the working environments and identified six factors that
contribute to burnout: excessive workload, limited control over your tasks, insufficient reward for your efforts, lack of community support, unfairness, and conflicting tasks. Each of these can drain us.
Perhaps you’ve experienced this: you worked extremely hard to meet a deadline, sacrificed weekends, cancelled plans with friends, you hit your targets, and all your manager said was “okay.” They took your effort for granted and offered no genuine appreciation. And then you started to feel unacknowledged, frustrated, sad, and bitter. Your trust in leadership began to fade, and your energy started to diminish.
After a few weeks of self-sacrifice, you start feeling empty. You want to stay in bed longer. You do not want to start working right away. You look at your tasks differently: What am I even doing? And why? It feels like you have lost a part of yourself.
Burnout doesn’t only arise from work. It can also grow in relationships, caregiving, or significant life projects.
A partner with a complex personality, poor emotion regulation, or little respect for your boundaries can slowly drain you. You adapt, walk on eggshells, and avoid conflict, all to feel exhausted and indifferent.
Caring for someone who depends on you (a baby, a child, a sick family member) without support can be overwhelming. You do everything for the other person, often at the expense of your own pleasure and rest. When forced to choose between yourself and them, you always choose them. This scenario does not end well either.
Large projects like single-handed house renovations, writing a thesis, leading a big fundraiser, and establishing a new production line can consume you completely. You think about it constantly, devote all your time to it, and feel guilty if you ever take a break. Eventually, you feel tired, sick, indifferent, and empty.
You are probably wondering what the path to recovery is and how to return back to normal as soon as possible. Below, I describe the four most important steps.
Four steps towards recovery from burn-out
Step 1. Rest
That is hard, I know. You feel powerless and useless when you do nothing. You feel ashamed when you’re not productive. Maybe your partner pressures you to at least “do something” at home if you are not going to work.
But rest is your medicine now. Please take it as if it were prescribed. Go for walks, sleep in, eat slowly, take time for these simple things.
Step 2. Recognize denial
“This can’t be. This isn’t me. This shouldn’t happen.”
Denial is normal. You deny having burnout, deny that you need time to recover. You’re not ready to slow down yet.
Look gently: what qualities do you have besides efficiency?
Maybe you’re funny, purposeful, curious, or caring?
What gives joy now, or what used to make you happy in your work and life?
Observe: what sensations do you enjoy?
What brings you comfort, warmth, peace?
These small observations help you slow down.
Step 3. Investigate what happened
“We can’t change it if we never face it.”
What was too much for you?
What was painful, unfair, confusing, or impossible?
What did you need but did not receive?
Talk about it — with someone who can listen.
Step 4. Integrate what you learned
What insights would you like to carry forward?
Which boundaries matter most?
Which path will you choose from here?